A little more than a century ago, shyness was considered one of the main female jewelry, and in some places (for example, in Victorian England), its absence testified to the monstrous immorality of the young person. Today, this is often exposed as a quirk and a flaw. Perhaps it sometimes interferes, but overall shyness is a feature of morals and not the worst, but, of course, it is possible to get rid of it if you wish.
You can take part in a career, be the soul of a company, a brave traveler in the jungle of the Amazon, but at the same time - to shiver with cheeks like a May rose, to tremble and feel in a society of the opposite sex than before a hungry saber-toothed tiger.
If shyness is a hindrance, it's time to sound the alarm.
And it is important to understand the reason for its origin. Very often, this is:
- Fear of being rejected by a manwhich I really like.
- Subconscious following precepts from education - the girl should be quiet, otherwise they will think badly / say about her.
- Feeling unattractive (an unsuccessful haircut at the hairdresser, the understanding that clothes bought in haste or on someone’s advice doesn’t really fit the style, finally - complexes because of excess weight, inability to walk on stilettos 16 cm).
- The habit of relying on the assessment of their relationship and advice on them from relatives / friends (this sort of "publicity" forces you to calculate in advance every step, which, of course, cannot be free).
You can and should work with all this. Plus, you should analyze and literally list the "symptoms" of shyness that are inherent in an individual (so it’s easier to control them possibly).
Perhaps he is drawn to tell an old stupid joke? Or happens to ask a tactless question?
You can speak beautifully and be in a haute couture outfit, but give out a pose and movements - the girl is sitting on the edge of the furniture tightly kneeling, her straight back is tense, her hands may be constantly busy with something small - she straightens her hair, touches the appliances on the table. For some, embarrassment overwhelms the entire body - nausea, a feeling of heat.
The list can be continued for a long time, but the “recipes” for salvation are approximately the same and, if you evaluate them meticulously, are in many ways easy and even entertaining, playful, pleasant.
And first of all, you need to realize yourself as a person. A unique creation in the Universe, having both advantages and weaknesses, but definitely - deserving its share of happiness and prosperity. Trembling, of course, is important, but even if it’s banal to escape from the problem (don’t go to the corporate party where everyone is in pairs, and you are alone / return the roses and don’t go on a date / walk the dog in another place so as not to see the neighbor ...) - the sun will not stop shining, which means, by and large, it is not so serious.
And it’s also important to understand that tsunami should not be replaced by its opposite, that is, free and predatory behavior, sweeping away everything in its path.
You should understand the framework in which the style of behavior seems to be the best for yourself.
Perhaps a little shyness will remain. And it will be a charming "highlight".
Even if the object of adoration is wonderfully good, it is one man out of millions on planet Earth. And it is not necessary to behave with him as if they had known each other for a hundred years. Trust must be earned, and the “frost” of relationships at the beginning can be melted into a living spring of understanding in the future.
It is important to understand that situations that cause shyness are a test for two (just a second person, maybe it successfully hides it). And if a man is not ready to wait a bit, as they wait, taming a wild doe, then maybe he is not so good.
According to psychologists, shyness can disappear, like morning dew, if you increase self-esteem, for which it is useful:
- start the morning with a sleepy look at yourself in the mirror and words like "I am pretty as I am";
- during the day, mentally praising yourself several times (or even eating candy postponed for this event) for small achievements (whether it was a completed task at work, a made face mask, a deliciously prepared salad);
- try to look perfect not when it’s noticeable to someone, but just like that (for example, to go to the store for groceries in ordinary clothes, but in a luxurious set of linen that was previously reserved for a love date).
You can still look at yourself with the "eyes" of an outsider, just imagining what he could say. Would he notice how laughter looks like spring drops? Unusual eye color?
Would you rate on occasion a deep knowledge of the tea ceremony and a game of checkers?
Some manage to fundamentally change the behavior by changing their appearance. Moreover, taking as a basis "stamps" in the personal understanding are signs of the desired qualities. If it seems that a girl who is not from timid birds loves the red color in her clothes, the fashionable Hollywood wave in her hair and the bright, spicy aromas of perfumes - it's time to bring it into your image.
Sometimes rehearsal is half the success. But here you also need to have a passion for literature.
If you like some character in a book / film (often the second one turns out to be) - it's time to become his ardent fan and write a mini-romantic fan fiction with you in the title role.
Let the heroine be a bold, hot little thing. It is advisable to spice up the story with adventures, add a pinch of piquancy. And most importantly - think more about it.
Psychologists in the United States believe that such “games” excellently teach relationships using examples that the girl is not even afraid of subconsciously - because her beloved hero is so familiar!
You can still imagine in your imagination the worst possible situation. What can happen in a restaurant? Will they bring a flaming flambe and because of the clumsiness of the ladies the tablecloth will light up? Or maybe, on a walk along the summer promenade, there will be an attack of a monster like Nessie and you have to buy ice cream from him? Amid such options, a prolonged awkward silence should seem like sheer nonsense.
